Death Becomes Her.

...Not the best or catchiest title but curiously appropriate, which is much more than what I can say about the last three weeks.

Weekend 1: As you may recall (or if you scroll down to the previous post,) I declared my plans of taking a bus to MinneROCKolis, Minne-sooo-hot-ta to reunite with my love and to open a joint bank account with her. Well, I had to settle for half of my plans and 200% of unexpected plans of Death Rock.

Consider the two seven-hour bus rides as pregaming for EXTREME 13-hour flights to ensue only because I pregame for everything. Overall things went smoothly. My seatmate was a very polite, friendly professor at Notre Dame's biology department...on his way to meet his wife and kids. I was lovingly welcomed by one R-Kizzle and one Emma, who immediately and forcibly imposed a top-thelf rocktail in the form of a "water" bottle on me upon arrival. I accepted. Light-moderate rocking ensued with a few unliked people but what was more interesting was the phone-book smashing/stomping to neighbors whom neither Emma nor I knew. Later that night when it came it sleeping arrangements, Emma was so generous as to letting me sleep with Robert. I gratefully accepted and we slept. Well...not really. I think I awoke to Robert's extreme shivering, a shivering comparable to a seizure or an epilepsy attack.

The next day we went the the MOAwesome, where the people were a little less than MOAwesome when it came to looking for Tigers gear to get ready for that night's juicy series with the Twinkies. And by Twinkies I am not referring to white-washed Asians. After several failed attempts and some very defensive and unwelcoming people, my mission was accomplished and it was off to Roberto's for some serious pregaming and humping. Call it prehumping if you will.

...And off to the game! Well, not without a valiant fight from the 123 degree sun, the bloody Bridge of Death whose real name I forgot, and one Kim Schneider who puts the hot in hot bartender and charging us $Rock.50 after serving us two extreme rocktails. Honestly, I don't remember much of the game since we were in the nosebleed section, we had good company, and maybe because of the fact that I poured three ounces of vanilla-flavored liquid rock into my beer. At least the Tigers won- so I've heard. The rest of the night was kind of a blur except for playing Marco Polo with my Twins fan counterpart. Then we, we just died in each other's arms tonight. It must have been something we said. I should've walked away. I should've walked away.
The next morning was filled with headaches and a pleasant and scenic two-hour drive to Winooona. Of course we had to stop in Lake City to reexamine our lives. This is Lake City, MN, not to be confused with Lake City, MI. Behold:

Clearly it's smooth sailing for OUR future. Then it was time for good clean fun with the exception of adult-hangman on post-its and an oopsies on Robert's shoulder. And by oopsies I mean genital warts. At least it wasn't gonhorrea or Fallopian tubes on his shoulder. That would've been a hot mess! Trust me on this one.

After studying a cute, but rabid and epileptic raccoon and a nice chat with the ever-so-chiseled Jerry and Betty it was time to go boating, swimming, humping, and of course....burying each other in sand and making inappropriate body parts on each other. Again, trust me on this one. The numerous pictures are far too inappropriate to be shown. I think Robert and Emma are with me on this one that I'm doing a service to you people by not uploading these pictures. Just look at the above picture. Isn't that beautiful enough? After draining (drowning) oursevles with the water, sand, and Mexican food (including a waitress who MexiCan't serve,) Emma and I decided to play hide-and-seek with Robert, who couldn't care less. Then we died. There's nothing more to say about that Saturday.

Of course, what trip to Minnesota is complete without a little Sunday golf? Okay, it was mini golf, but we worked on our putting skills.Boy that water looked thirst-quenching. Somehow we made it back to Minneapolis and had dinner with Priya. Robert finally ate sushi for the first time and displayed his taste for exotic food. Yippee! I'd rather not talk about the last few hours of that weekend since they were a bit emotional for us. Emily broke the tension by tirando muchos pedos en nos caras. My megablock finally arrived at 12:15am Monday morning and it was time to hit the road again. :(

...To be continued two weeks later.