Achtung: Extreme update to ensue.

I HATE this town!

Oh, Detroit how I detest you,
Let me count the ways...

The quality of that "poem" is how I feel about Detroit. Why? I'll TELL you why! I looked around desperately for Chipotle and what do I find instead? Rio Wraps. Boy those Chipotle gods punished me! But that was over a month ago and Emily and I have already discussed this. On to reason number two. Upon arrival from Nagoya, Japan my mom and I cleared customs, found our luggage and we were ready to go. Little did I know my flight would be leaving in 20 minutes. Blah blah blah, eventually I was in the plane when they announced the flight to Chicago-O'Hare would be canceled. Awesome. All flights to O'Hare were canceled due to weather which lead me to scrambling ALL around Wayne County Airport looking for tickets, food, some boom-chick-a-wow-wooooow; all this while my phone wasn't working. Six hours later I was able to fly in to Midway where I was separated from my luggage for the next two days leaving my half-Amish. Okay, so it may look like Chicago was more at fault than Detroit, but it's so easy and rewarding to blame Motown City. Yet while waiting I reminiced on the good times I had in the Philippines:

The Chief's retirement party was nice...until we got to dinner. Somehow my parents and I were assigned to different tables, which generally does not bother me at all except that Filipinos tend to be quite socially awkward and someone like me would not get much respect around the table; especially when someone introduces themselves by their last name. "Hi, I'm Bautista." What do I say, "Hi...I'm...de la Rosa?" My solution? Six glasses of cheap wine while watching 14 corrupt Justices dance as if they were in a cotillion. Take that, awkwardness!


I figured I could put the two weddings together since they had one thing in common: dry receptions. Why? I'm not so sure either! Either way, I MET more relatives on my mom's side (and realized why I am so short) in wedding #1. This is me with my great-aunt...I'm about 5'2" and I am squatting to my 4'7" great-aunt. I had to be careful not to step on any family members. Not a good first impression to make. Wedding #2 was dry in every sense of the word. First of all, I looked like an extreme stick of butter with twigs and leaves stuck. This was the epitome of homeliness. I cannot even begin to explain. It was a nice wedding, but even my dad had a look of discomfort. No one spoke except for the emcee (who was paid to do it anyway,) I had a nice faceful of camera for a good while, and there was no first dance. This made me think of my own wedding plans. A groom would be nice to have. So would a cake, people who care (that might be a challenge,) and booze. Lots of booze. At least I already have bridesmaids in Emily and Mariah.



So I know this is yet another horrible post posted yet another month too late. My dearest apologies.

Sincerely,
The most Momly 20-year-old you will ever meet.