She Makes me a Happy Ant! (Is that...kosher?)

Solomon did it in the Bible, Shakespeare sort of made a career doing it. The ancient Greeks practically invented it. Keats and Auden wrote their greatest pieces in this style. Hell, my roommate did it. So what makes me any different? And what made me place a great and wise king, an entire race, some of the greatest writers (as far as we know), and a mash of Asian, in the same category? Despite all the insults, put-downs, physical abuse, lactose intolerance, and her horrible habit of pOUnding through the halls, she is still my roommate and I love her. She is indeed, awesome. -->

Why? who knows. I do!

Despite what you may think of her, she is quite accepting and tolerant. When my first roommate turned out to be a huge bitch who only wanted to shop at bebe, she took my toothbrush in, then my pillow, then the sheets. Three days later I joined in. She accepted me as the roommate. Then a momentus occasion occurred just aout a month ago. I revealed my sexuality or...bi-sexuality to be specific. Needless to say she was shocked. She was shocked and accepting. She still accepted me as her roommate and occasional lover. (just kidding on the latter.) She also tolerates many bad habits I may have picked up. Of course I was tolerant of her managing to gussy up a futon with crumbs and many such legumes and grains that we could start a farm on the damned couch. Yet she accepted and tolerated me so that we continue to take pictures of ourselves and publicize it in volumes as us having no lives.

I also learned a lot of things from her. Part of relationships include learning from each other and growing as a person; not just any person but a Mega-Asian. She learned the proper pronounciations of a f ew words, and I learned a few things from her too. I learned that I am a bisexual homewrecker who has fidelity problems, amongst other things of which I cannot recall...probably because I never listen. Huh? I bet she had a nice excursion around Chicago.

She also mentioned something about our limited vocabulary. I don't know if animial noises even count as vocabulary words, but what does count are the words "rock," "certainly, excellent!" "cheese!! or schalscha?" and then there are the animal noises and nonexistent words such as the much-loved "eshaw." Oddly enough, making animal noises bring so much joy to my life. I realized this when I called her Friday night. I managed to get away from other people when I said, "Okay, I need to get this out of my system. Eshaw eshaw eshaw!" She, distraught on the other hand, laughed in shock. The sincerity of her laughter is still a question today. Her laughter! Oh man...she can pull insincere laughs of the CENTURY! That, my friend, requires talent.

Through boyfriends, thoughts of transferring, winter and summer breaks, and even trips to the STICKS, we haves still remained friends (possibly sisters-in-law if you really think about it.) We have gone from calling each other constantly to complain about how much we miss DePaul to griping about coming back to the blasted school but we'd still want to see each other. There are many other things I can say about her and while my attempt at an ode was not as credible or poetic as Keats's and Shelley's, I still managed to put my heart into this ode. All in all, I miss her, I lurve her, and I can't wait to eshaw with her tomorrow and watch "Desperate Eshaws." Eshaw, indeed. Thank you, roommate, for making me a better person. Oh You.

(Her name is Emily by the way.)

Diary of a lonely Asian woman?

Topic de jour: Solitude.

Am I meant to be alone in this world? I am an only child. Sure I played with the older kids growing up in Philadelphia, none of which I recall, but when I moved to Seattle* it all changed. Seattle was a small, rural town of about 15000, mainly inbreeds. So you can imagine it was hard for me to make friends with the other kids around. Hell, I lived on a highway. The only neighbors I had were either over the age of 60, they lived in their house for 3 months and moved away, they didnt have children, or some odd combination of any of the mentioned. Preschool was a bit difficult for me. I couldn't make friends with the other girls so my best friend was an adopted Korean named Nicholas (can you see what this leads to later on?) Grade school wasn't much better. I went through a phase in second grade and I wrote in my "journal" 'I have no friends. I am never going to have any friends in life.' Of course, the teacher and maybe two people in the class tried to reassure that I am bound to have friends. And the gullible 8 year old that I was believed them. I made one friend. Sunil. And Danielle, who grew up to enter a mental institution because she slashed her ex-boyfriend's tires. In 6th grade I had to transfer to McBain (wahhhh!). I had never heard of the damn town, let alone a wanting to go there. I arrived and everyone...was Dutch. Sure, things got better but I barely talk to three people from that school now, but whatever. Irrelevant. This doesn't help my cause.

Back to loneliness. Fast forward a couple years to college. Picture this: October 2005 (this is very Golden Girls-esque). A young beautiful woman of 20 laying on her roommate's bed while the young, beautiful woman dictates, talking about the degree of her loneliness. The young, beautiful woman recalls the past 3 weekends (and the weekdays in between) of how she got served.

Week 1: Robert. After a night of socializing and intoxicating our bodies with JUNK, Emily and I converse online while Robert is passed out after being stripped. After being told that a certain GIRL named Sharon* is probably boning a Dutch Buddhist*, I tell her that I need some bone. After that, Emily (and her bearclaw grip).....right.


Week 2: The wedding. Contrary to popular belief, this is not Emily's and my wedding, but her brother's...the older one. After another night of intoxicating our bodies with more JUNK (and jager) and after being on the floor for a good 4 minutes, I find myself participating in MJ-like activities with a certain brother (don't worry, not the one that got married...I'm not that much of a homewrecker). A few hours later, I wake up. ALONE. And all I see is his watch, the sun rising, and an underpowered smoke detector trying to act as an alarm clock. Oh, you Ulrichs. Right-o.

Week 3: My best friend Mary's 21st birthday. I put thoughts of acting on my promiscuity aside and I decide to trek down to 111th and Kedzie for Chicago's sOUthside Irish bar/foosball/darts place and I ROCKED. I rocked hard. So hard that I end up being better friends with one of the friends there. When we got home, the friend, Mary's sister (that's not her in the picture, by the way), and I sleep on the hideaway. I wake up at 9 AM. The sister? On the ground. The "friend"? MIA. I don't really know where I am. I look around and nobody's around. Alas, I got served...THRICE.

Regarding the weekdays in between the three weekends, that was only Emma Lee* and me falling asleep on my bed only to wake up alone the next morning. Ooshka.

So back to loneliness. This is where YOU, the reader (hopefully you're a good looking reader too) comes in. You must do all you can to rid me of my loneliness whether it be a hot family member or a hot friend (male or female). Hell, I'll even settle for mediocrity at this point...have pity on the young, beautiful Asian. ROCK.


*names have been changed to protect the guilty and ashamed and EVIL.

Why? Because my roommate said so.

Exactly. I already have Xanga, but what fun is it when you can't add pictures in a way that makes your blog resemble a newspaper article or at least something that looks remotely interesting instead of complicatedly cool in the Asian style? Thus, the blog.
This is me. Obviously I possess angelic qualities just as any OTHER OTHER girlfriend should. I have a halo, half of my first name is Mary (I guess you can make an argument that the other half is "Homewrecker" or any variation), I have a bangs which make me more maternal than the OTHER girlfriend, I have cleavage, and I'm holding a now-consumed handle of Limon. Enough about me. I don't want to overwhelm you all with my brilliant writing style and my refreshing wit all in one post.